The exercise was to tell a well known news story, story or joke in the voice of one of the following:
A 7 year old irish peasant child in 1850
A celebrated Scottish poet in 1780
An imperial Concubian in the forbidden city of the Ming dynasty in 1450
A first year Brookes student in 2029
It shouldn’t be too hard to figure out which voice I chose!
Didja hear about Santa Claus? Didja? Didja hear the news? He’s not comin’ this year, that’s what Mammy says. She say’s Santa’s not comin’ to Ireland. I ask her why and she says he’s run out of toys, he’s got nuffin left, nuffin. So I ask her what happened to all the toys and she says, Jimmy you ask too many questions you do. Last year he got me a sword didja know? Not a real one, a wood one. He gave Matthew a whole tuppence the lucky bugger, Mammy says you only get money when yer old enough and I’m only 7 and half. Mammy asked me what I wanted for Christmas if Santa was gunna come. So I tell her I want a nice beef stew with plenty of carrots in. I asked her what she wanted for Christmas and she says she wants a ticket to this place called Merica, lots of food there she says. So I changed me mind and said I wanted one of them tickets too, she says maybe if you pray hard enough, God’ll hear you and tell Santa to get us all tickets, she says.
I hope she’s wrong, about Santa Claus, I hope he does come.